俺の世界

JLPT

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:47:54 GMT

Well I just took a practice test for Level 2 of the JLPT. I got 330 out of 400 points. I guess I did better than I thought I would. You only need 240 points to pass. So I basically got a B. Strangely enough I actually did worse on grammar than I did on the kanji section. I did best on the listening section. I guess that makes sense since most of the time I am just watching dramas and anime. If I turn the points into a percent then I got 93% on listening (聴解）, 82% on characters (文字　語彙）, and 77% on reading and grammar （読解　文法）. I almost want to take the level 1 practice test already to see how I would do. Maybe i'll try it later.

Thu, 21 May 2009 14:21:03 GMT

I really thought that if I let you go you would come back to me. Now either that saying is wrong or you never cared in the first place.

Sat, 16 May 2009 12:27:06 GMT

I was hopelessly in love, you were just hopeless.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:23:54 GMT

I hope your deal with the devil was worth my misery.

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 22:58:08 GMT

Despite what people may think, I don't actually enjoy arguing everything with people. But when I make a point that makes obvious sense and they are still so blind that they don't understand what im saying, it is really annoying. It's like if someone tried arguing with you that 2+2 equals 73. It clearly doesnt. But they insist upon it anyway. So they you take two things and another two things and show them that 2+2 equals 4. And even looking right at it they will try to argue with you still. So then you show them again and again and they still think they are right. And then what pisses me off is that i'm now the jerk for trying to show them that they were so clearly wrong. But no, actually it's because i'm wrong and i'm the one being the stubborn idiot on the matter. And that is how they justify themselves as right and why i'm still the asshole. Because the entire time I was proving how I was right I was actually just trying to spread my lies and delusions to them. So really i'm the one who was wrong all along.
Or even worse when you argue with someone about something and try to show them how they are wrong, they get super pissed at you for accusing them of being wrong. But then once you explain everything to them they tell you thats what they were saying the whole time. Wow really? So this entire time when we were supposedly both saying the same thing you never felt the need to not even start an argument by actually just saying that? Instead of arguing about it and letting me prove my point you could have easily said, "That's exactly what i'm saying, we agree and theres no reason to argue." But if they did that it would mean I was right on the matter from the beginning. And we all know i'm not ever actually right about anything. I'm the harbinger of lies and deciet and I just have a complex that i always have to be right. Right? Oh wait I think I must be doing it again, I can't possibly actually be right about something.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:06:43 GMT

Well I got my license today. Well passed the test anyway. I have to wait until tomorrow or later to actually get the license. Although I still feel shitty. =/ Hopefully the stress and whatnot go away and then I can actually sleep again.

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:23:04 GMT

I am 176 pounds and 12% body fat today as of like two minutes ago. Just felt like making a note of it. I also slept like ten hours last night. I think I slept too much and woke up feeling a little sick though. But at least I finally stayed asleep for a night. Still took me a little while to fall asleep tho. I'm working on it.

If only

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:38:08 GMT

If only I had you.

Sleepless Nights

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:18:19 GMT

Alright, this is getting ridiculous. Lately I have not been able to sleep when I want to at all. And of course the more i worry about getting to sleep when I need to the less sleep I get. Yesterday I maybe slept like 6 hours total scattered through the day. And the day before that I slept in the morning for the most part. So despite the fact that I should be tired I end up laying there unable to sleep. And of course if I get up I feel shitty and my head hurts. I just don't feel like really doing anything yet I can't sleep either.

If I think back to what started this it was when my mom made me go to the beach with her, nancy and jd. Despite the fact that i told her I didn't feel like going and that I was tired they just nagged and guilted me into going and turned me into the asshole. Since then I have not been able to sleep right. And of course lately I have to worry about actually being prepared enough to pass the drivers test in 8 days. All I keep thinking about is how much money i'll waste if I fail. It doesn't help much that even if I know i'm not a bad driver I can't feel confident. And if I don't feel confident then I don't enjoy doing whatever it is. And then obviously if I don't enjoy something I dont want to have anything to do with it. It's basically just a big circle of me really not wanting to drive. It feels like i'm being forced to learn something I don't need or want to use. But I want my license, not to drive but just to say I have it. That way people can stop looking down on me for not having something I have never needed.

I think i'm just getting more and more sick of being hated or looked down upon, not for doing something wrong but for not doing something. If I don't drink i'm too uptight. If i don't want to drive or go running off to some shitty pointless job then i'm screwed up. If I don't love every single thing i've ever encountered then i'm cold and heartless. If I don't believe in god or religion then I don't have faith or modesty. Everyone else in this world is making stupid mistake after stupid mistake and yet i'm the asshole for not acting like a fool. I have never made any mistakes in my life. I have never done anything that will hurt me or others and I don't do anything wasteful or stupid. But that is of course opinion because most people would think that I am wasting my life but not doing all of those stupid things. You only get one life they say. So why would I throw it away by doing retarded things or ruining my body with drugs, alcohol or other popular methods?

The things people do in this world because they are popular or because their 'god' forces them to are just foolish. Kids think that drinking and drugs are awesome because of how glorified they are in society. Other people base everything they do or don't do on what their 'holy' book says. Humans have been alive for far too long. They have come up with way too many unnatural things to occupy their time. Whatever happened to doing what it takes to survive and just living for the sake of living? Why exactly do you need to prove yourself to some god by following some made up rules that really have no effect on the outcome?

And what is with this thing that religion has against dying when you are sick than hell and on the way out anyways. They say you should wait and leave this world when god has planned it. Do you realize that going to a hospital and taking medicine are also going against that 'god's' master plan? And if you try saying that he gave us the resources to keep people alive so they can live then it is very easy to counter that he also gave us the resources to end it already. Why exactly is it more humane to let some suffer and wither away with cancer or some other disease when they could just be put out of their misery. If it is just part of that master plan to make people suffer in yet another way then that is just one more reason why i think the idea of a god is a scam.

But overall, the fact that I think this way is the reason why i'm always alone. My standards are too high. I'm too strict. I think everything is stupid. I judge everyone and everything too harshly. I'm self centered and stubborn. The way I feel is never the view of the masses, or even the minority. I'm more than used to this at this point in my life and i've already excepted that hardly anyone feels the same way as I do. Even if someone agreed with some of the things I say they still don't have enough conviction to actually follow through with it. Logic is obsolete and the world is becoming more and more rotten. Emotions are starting to rule more than ever and i'm sure someone could change the basics of arithmetic if they worked homosexuality and racism in there somewhere. Two plus two doesn't equal four anymore.

Well I guess i'm getting tired of going on about this for now. It's not like a single person would ever change their outlook on life based on the way I feel so it was mostly just to pass the time. But that's the only reason anyone does anything in this world. Without random stupid things to do we might actually have a prosperous race of people where peace and (straight) love actually take precedence. But who am I kidding, it's more likely that everyone on the planet gets struck by lightning at the same time before that would ever happen.

Update

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 16:47:51 GMT

Well right now I weigh 179.6 pounds (like 81.6 kg) and I have 12% body fat. That's pretty damn good if I say so myself. Haha. My height is about 187 cm still. Which is almost 6'2". The other day when I was with Basia I told her I was almost 6'3 which with my shoes on is almost possible but it was mostly a guess. She then told me I looked like 6 feet. That kind of offended me because if she remembered I think she is going to change my height to like 6 feet on the form =/. I forgot to mention it the other day too. Hopefully she forgot or its just not too hard to change later. Well I guess that's about it for now. If i ever feel like making notes again later I will.

I felt like writing...

Thu, 22 May 2008 10:20:58 GMT

As I sit here in my world, a quaint little place with but a single inhabitant, I watch the scenes as they progress around me. Some invoke a smile or a chuckle and maybe even something sparks a feeling of sadness or sudden loneliness. As I watch these people around me I see where I am in the world. Or rather, where I am not. Just about everyone that passes has a sense of happiness or at least a mission for why they are there. Many people are with loved ones, fooling around, holding hands and generally just smiling that they are together. I, on the other hand, am sitting here alone with no one to relate to and no where to go home to. And while I sit here watching the events of others, they are out there living those events for themselves. But I don't regret this decision of mine. No, I am quite content with this life of mine. I am happy with what little I have in my life. What I am upset with is what I do not have in my world. The longing for a warm embrace or a kiss or even just a taste of what it is that everyone else takes for granted. It is here that you can see the princess turn down the fool and the dedicated rejected for devoting too much time to their passion. Yet you also see those treating the ones who care about them like the manure that practically fills many of the people here. Yet this is the world we all live in; the only one, in fact, that we even have the choice of living in. Beauty passes by us and soon withers away, fleeting like the wind on a typical autumn day. It is widely accepted that this is the norm, that beauty comes and goes and no one seems to really be bothered by it. There are a few that refuse to let beauty slip away and they try their hardest with potions and magics to keep their youth. But in the end their efforts will be wasted and their beauty too will fade. Instead of going through the pain of seeing such beauty fade from sight time and time again it seems easier to just disappear yourself. If you fade away first you won't have to go through the hardships of watching everything else do the same. But nay, here is where I sit and here is where I shall stay. Longing for the one that might relieve me of this weight. And I will continue to watch the others in this world as they disgust me with their fetishes and foolishness. Hoping that one day someone else might realize what is going on and take a seat beside me. And together we will watch, watch as the the selfishness of man causes the downfall of us all.

Wed, 14 May 2008 20:42:17 GMT

So many places, so many ways
But there's no way home, nowhere I belong
So many faces fade away
And then life goes on

Sun, 11 May 2008 22:45:26 GMT

Why the hell is everyone in this world a fucking hypocrite? And why the hell are the only things that come to mind first for swears are religious. Damnit. I really need to stop talking to people that live in this world. People are so damn stupid it's no wonder there are wars and famine and global warming killing everyone. Oh wait, I'm sorry half the people don't believe in global warming.

Gahh, ok i'm kind of calmed down now. As few memories that I actually have it really sucks that there are still things I wish I could forget. I really don't even feel like explaining what pissed me off in the first place. Whatever, try to forget it for now and move on until something brings it up again.

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 22:31:22 GMT

So my mom got a new scale. And since im weird, for a while i've always told her to get one with body fat and stuff. So this new one measures your body fat and weight. So I remeasured my height and oddly enough i'm like 2 centimeters shorter than I was last time. Maybe I just did something wrong. I'm about 187 cm tall and I weight about 82.2 kilograms. That's 6'2.2" and 180.8 pounds for any of your americans reading this. Then I found out my body fat percentage. It's 14%. That's a pretty good percent for my age apparently. So my weight and my bfa are both like perfect for my height. Can I get any more perfect? Geez. ;-) lol jk

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:35:36 GMT

Well I am back from Canada now. I wanted to stay but I wouldnt have had a way to get home for who knows how long. Plus they had tons of snow. So I just came back for now. I really should be trying to get my license around now anyway. I'm bored already though. =/

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 21:45:44 GMT

I'm in Canada now. So much snow. And it's supposed to snow tonight until friday.

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:03:55 GMT

I'm going to canada tomorrow. I have to pack up stuff but I don't feel like it yet. My clothes are still drying so I suppose I have time. I'm going to end up bringing so much stuff but most of it isnt going to go back with me. Anyway, off to go do that I guess.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 21:10:33 GMT

It's been like a week since I last posted.
Lately, i'v been listening to endwell and watching dragon ball z. I'm up to episode 94 right now. Goku just saved up the energy for a genkidama and piccolo is trying to hold freeza off so he can use it.
I've also been studying second grade Japanese. I can recognize all of these already but i'm actually trying to learn how to write them a little without needign to see them lol. I wonder if by some miracle I can learn through sixth grade by november or december. At this rate maybe but i'll probably forget about studying in a while.
Last week I was keeping a slightly steady schedule with working out but I already stopped that. My energy to do things comes and goes on a whim.
Pretty soon I have to write my final paper for english too. I'll check later to see if she graded the thesis part so I'll know if I should even bother continuing with that.
My character in heroes is finally level 40. I don't like being a support character like this tho. I can't wait for them to let us reset our abilities. Right now im a precog with superhuman strength and time manipulation. TM would be so much better if any of the abilities could be used to help yourself at all.
We are supposed to go to Canada on thursday maybe. We were going to leave today on a spur of the moment thing but a lot of things got in the way. So that didn't work out. I don't know how long i'm going to stay if I go though.
I've also been making an occasional lame attempt at finding a car and maybe learning to drive. I don't know what i'm going to do if I get both of those. I'll have to get a job if I do. I feel like taking a random trip somewhere if I get them too. I don't have anywhere to go though.
I guess that's a good enough jumble of random things for now. 次回も見てね

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 06:49:21 GMT

Well here's the story of my night for anyone who cares.

So I went bowling with Justin and his friend Jeff and Kevin (Jeff's brother) from roughly 11 yesterday to 1 in the am today. Two hours of bowling goodness for about 15.99 with shoe rental. We played almost four games before the douchebags shut everything down. We had 5 minutes left and like less than a frame to go. So my scores were an 86, 95, 85 and then a 95 on the game I didn't finish. I could have potentially gotten a much higher score if it weren't for them shutting everything off. So my average bowling score is about a 90 but it could have been a few points higher was I able to finish my last frame. But I doubt I would have been able to get many more anyway. From like the 5th frame of the first game my thumb was hurting. So now after four games my hand hurts pretty bad and is a little swollen lol. This is why I don't even try anything remotely physical, it takes so much for my body to get used to it and its not worth the time or effort to try. It doesn't help when the guys you are with seem to go more bowling more than every once in a while. So they were getting strikes and spares and here is me barely putting any effort in at all.
In the next lane over from us was this slightly overweight guy with an awesome curve to his throws. He was getting crazy high scores like 268 and stuff. He was beating my total scores in like the first 3 or 4 frames of his (haha). He was really weird though, and he came alone too. Whenever he got a strike he would do a triumphant hand gesture. But since I was sitting with my back towards his lane I noticed that he was always mumbling to himself when he missed that one last pin. It was really hard to hear exactly what he was saying with the loud music and all too. But I did manage to catch it one time. He missed one pin and as he walked back he was like, "I'm trying, I'm trying to hit them!". So it seems he has like some voice in his head scolding him for not doing perfect. One time later he asked himself what time it was and said he was going to go soon too. I guess there really is that fine line between genius and insanity (haha).
Another thing I noticed was the girls, clearly, because well I can't help it and I can't seem to turn it off. But anyway, there were a few cute girls but for some reason almost all girls in america have like this pear shape. Small tops and then like huge butts. The top half of a lot of girls seems to be really good and then you look down a bit and its like "woah". I guess I could deal with a girl like that but I really prefer petite all the way. Super slender from top to bottom. Good old fashioned pancake butt. But these girls were all over their guys anyway so it mainly just made me jealous of the affection i've never been able to get in the almost 22 years of my life.
Well all in all it was an eventful night and pretty entertaining. My hand hurts and i'm tired though. I just wish I could do something like that with a girlfriend or even just girls in general (haha).

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 02:01:08 GMT

Well only ai said she wanted it but I figured I would post something anyway. So here's the other thing I wrote two weeks ago or whenever it was.

Running for my life, breathing heavily, I continued through a blank corridor. It’s not that I couldn’t see but rather there was nothing to see. I tried to stop to catch my breath but the noise was getting louder. It was an eerie sound that I can’t quite explain. But it was getting closer and I felt like I had to run. I had no idea where I was running but I continued to run. It was a wide open space with no beginning and no end. There was no up and there was no down.

I ran what I thought was forward but there was no way to tell. All I know is that my legs are moving and at times the sound chasing me would get dimmer. No matter how far I ran it always caught up and always when I was starting to feel as though I had outrun whatever it was. Suddenly it stopped. I stopped running and tried to control myself and not make any noise. I looked around slowly. As always there was nothing in sight. Without warning something jumped out in front of me.

It had no form but rather was a mass of darkness. It was the exact opposite of this place that I’d been trapped in. Strangely neither this place nor the monster had any feeling to them. They both seemed as though they didn’t even exist but yet here I am facing them both. A black nothing chasing me in a white nowhere. My mind was confused, I had no idea what was going on but I knew I didn’t want to stay here any longer. I don’t have any control over anything in a place like this. Uneasiness has been building in me ever since I arrived.

Completely startled, I fell backwards onto my hands and knees. I slowly turned my head back to see what was chasing me. It was gone. I looked in all directions behind me but it vanished, just the same as it came. It seems to gather based on the feeling of security. Whenever I feel like I may have gotten away it gets faster. It’s kind of ironic that the feeling of fear and anxiety actually bring peace in a place like this. I guess it’s no wonder it is chasing me. I don’t usually get excited very easily and prefer to keep a clear and sensical view of the world.

I turned my head back around to find what looked like a puddle. There was still no color but it is the first thing here I’ve seen that has some kind of familiar shape to it. I reached my hand over it slowly and dipped one finger into what would be the water. The liquid I touched turned black like the mist. It was a strange gooey feeling and I pulled my hand back quickly. It stuck to my finger loosely but snapped back into the puddle with a bit of elasticity.

Before my hand even reached my side it struck. The black mist formed in the puddle and its arms shot out and grabbed me. I tried to pull back but it was no use. It pulled me into the puddle void and slowly began to bind my whole body. The puddle was no longer a puddle but rather a hole and together with the darkness I fell. Trying to pull free the darkness wouldn’t let go. Terror began to flow through me as the last of my face was slowly being consumed.

Just then I woke up and sat up instantly. It was that dream again. But I was back now, I was sitting on my bed back in my room. Sweat slowly dripped from my forehead and I was slightly out of breath. I had a feeling I was going to be called back again so I hadn’t slept in a few days. I guess that feeling was right. Where exactly was that place? And why is that darkness always chasing me?

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:21:42 GMT

I actually wrote about a page of a new short story. I never finished the last one. I never finish much of anything. I think I would be better at telling these stories if I was an animator. There are a lot of things I can see in my head but I don't know how to put them on paper to get the same meaning across. Maybe i'll post this story later if anyone wants to read it.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:32:49 GMT

Ok so I had a really weird dream last night. I don't remember all the details, i'm forgetting it as I try to remember. But I do remember this much. It had to do with some thieves running from like a he/she and getting chased by some dumptrucks. There was a lot of climbing, jumping and running lol. Then I remember something about a taxi and some more running and possibly a weird animal but I can't remember. I should have written it down when I woke up because I remembered a little more then. Oh well.

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 23:09:43 GMT

Alright since everyone probably thinks i'm always complaining here's a boring chapter of my life for you. And in this case, chapter means like one day or a few hours.

So I played すばらしきこのせかい until like five in the morning while watching first the history channel and then animal planet. History channel was showing something about sex in the bible. Animal planet was a show on like dangerous bugs in the rain forest. Both somewhat interesting. So when I got tired I went to sleep. I woke up just after 11 but layed around for like 20 minutes not wanting to get up. That's pretty much normal since I don't usually want to get up. I opened my blinds the other day so that the sun would shine in though to try preventing me from sleeping so much. Theres a whole scientific thing about it but I don't feel like getting into it. It makes me feel like getting up though. I checked my mail and pbb games when I got up. Nothing unusual. Some other faction started a war with me though. Then I did something kind of unusual. I actually did my schoolwork. And I actually had like ten hours left before the deadline too. I was kind of proud of myself. It was ethics though and anyone that knows me knows that I can get into stuff like that sometimes because of how much it aggravates me. The topic was infidelity. Too bad I can never relate to that eh? Bah anyway, then I went to see what Justin was up to. He was sleeping. So I played DS for like twenty minutes to see if he would wake up. He didn't so I just left. It was like almost three at this point. My mom had just gotten home so I told her we should go do something or get something to eat. Because if you've been following my story thus far you would know I have yet to eat anything in like fourteen hours. I didn't have any emails or calls or anything (what a shocker) so we left right away. We went to olive garden. On the way tommy called and said he forgot about destiny so mom had to go get her. Then after that detour we went to olive garden for real this time. I ordered the chicken alfredo pizza and my mom got some seafood alfredo thing. I didn't eat it all and we took the rest home. It sucks because there are never any cute girls in this world. Another thing to note is that its hard to tell if a waitress really likes you or if she is just that friendly to get a good tip. I'm pretty sure it's the tip but i'm guessing it's not a bad deal for her if the guy is cute. After that we went to Shop Rite. We got hot pockets and ice cream bars and stuff. Oh and toothpaste. All on sale of course. No cute girls there either. Even if there was, I wouldnt have the guts to talk to the girl anyway so I guess it really doesn't matter in the long run. So after that we cam back home. Jenn called twice. That's about it. Then after settling back in I decided I might as well write an LJ entry. And here we are now. Well I guess i'm going to go back to doing who knows what now. Hopefully the two or three people who read this enjoyed seeing what my life is like.

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:15:16 GMT

I'm getting really tired of this game, where's the reset button?

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 06:15:10 GMT

Oh baby talk to me
Oh baby cant you see
Cuz im the shyest girl in the whole wide world
So come on take my hand and make me understand
I want to be with you, I want to be so close to you.